Where can I find a layman's movie review of The Exorcist?

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Answered by: Nathan, An Expert in the Movie Reviews and Ratings Category
The Exorcist is credited as being the scariest film of all time. Hands down, most chilling movie you'll ever sit through. The sort of film that you watch on Halloween and speak about in hushed tones for the rest of the year, as a reverence to its sheer horror. As an optimist, I refused to see it. I don't do horror films, I'm a religious man; the movie held no appeal. However, as a film buff, I felt somewhat of an obligation to see this oh-so-lauded movie, so, when my friend announced she and another friend were going to watch it, sit through it I did. Here is my review of the Exorcist.

Oh my frickin goodness. Really?

To start off with, the first hour of the film is an utter waste of time. Bland. Boiled cabbage served in lukewarm water. Absolutely nothing happens. It's not even good character development or scene establishment. Utter claptrap, to paraphrase another's review. We waited for the action, we waited for the scare. Finally the girl gets possessed. Alright, here we go!

Have you ever blown up a balloon and then let it go, and it makes that farting noise and blows through the air? Yep, exactly the same. The Exorcist floats halfheartedly through the air going, well, nowhere in particular, but surely it will end up on the floor somewhere. The possession wasn't scary, it was offensive. A 12 year old spouting foul language and blasphemies. The scariest part of the film was the phone ringing during an otherwise silent scene, and oh, boy, I tell you what, that's what made me jump. Oh Mr. Friedkin, you witty man, you set up an entire movie, distracted us with the red herring of a demon at large, when you only meant to sweep in with a nerve-shattering phone call, you sneak!

The acting sucked, and no wonder, with the motivation the characters are given. The mom is an exercise in hysterics, the priests never actually seem to have any religious convictions, and go about their business with the resignation of lunch ladies. "One crisis of faith coming up, with a side of demonic possession." The detective, a Clouseau look-alike (however would we have known he was a detective otherwise?) serves as the Puck of the film, and then takes a pass at a priest in the end. Even the devil is pretty wimpy. Yes, while combating God and all righteousness, the best tactic available is to go after a pubescent girl in Georgetown. That'll bring down the Kingdom of Heaven!!!

You'll notice I'm not going after the religious aspect of the film in this review of the Exorcist. I don't need to. The Exorcist doesn't deserve a conversation about ecclesiastical matters. It's religious porn, as one critic put it. Icky, repulsive, unappealing.

Don't see it. It's not scary, it's not even good. There is not one redeemable aspect of the film, although that phone ringing will startle the crap out of you. Or rather exorcise the crap out of you. Ha, ha, ha....

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