What was the worst movie of 2009?

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Answered by: Michael, An Expert in the Hollywood Movies - General Category
The worst movie of 2009 is Transformers 2.

Like many I saw it opening day. When it was over all I could say was "I guess I just saw a movie". Others weren't so kind. At the time, it amazed me how much money it made even though it was probably because of the same people that re-elected Bush. I decided to give it another chance recently. I can't tell you why other than I had nothing else to do and it was free. My opinion hasn't changed much. When I think about it now I'm like "Oh yeah, the dog porn".

Now, I realize it isn't easy to make movies but this was unbearable. I'd have to be a masochist to pay to see it again. I'd need cocaine to keep me awake and a morphine drip to ease the pain of picturing Michael Bay in the editing room before this movie was released, counting his money and saying to himself: "I'm not worried. I'm Michael Bay. I can shoot dog porn and people will pay to see it and bring their children. I'm Michael Bay". When it was all said and done that is exactly what we got...dog porn.

I'll admit I thought a couple of transformers were cool. That's about it. For me the best part was when Jetfire started bitching about his mother. Hopefully the next movie will explain how Transformers become parents. It would be a step up over dog porn I suppose. This crap is difficult for me to describe without using heavy profanity. Imagining it in the real world took too much effort even when I was wasted but what the hell. CNN, Obama and 9/11 might as well exist here. This same CNN couldn't figure out who attacked that ship and France but knew who did 9/11 in less than an hour. How ironic.

Cocky, jive talkin robots fine, but did the humans have to be so unpleasant? When the Beef gave his dad a hard time for slapping his mother's ass his dad should've said: "Yeah real creepy move boy. If I didn't do it that one night you wouldn't be here. Now shut up and finish packing. I gotta drop you off then get your mother on tape and put it on the internet later to help pay for your tuition because the economy sucks so bad". Moreover, the Beef's dad didn't even park in a parking space at the college. He just parked right out front like some asshole. Then his wife put him down again and of course he did nothing. Don't get me started on her. All she seemed to do was act retarded but that woman knew damn well what was in those brownies. She wasn't raised in a convent. She knew and ate them on purpose (Can't say I blame her)

In the end, the Beef was lucky he got to skip class to save the world. I wouldn't last a day at Bay College. I'd be expelled for beating up some tight neon shirt wearing douche or that professor. All those girls were ready to have his baby?! Give me a break. That's right, Michael Bay movies are supposed to be dumb or fun it must depend on how stoned or eternally damned you are. I can't imagine the desolate, depraved depths the next one can sink. You can't imagine how thankful I am I don't have any kids who will be bugging me to see it. Transformers 2 was the worst movie of 2009.

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